6.25.2007

Rear View

Let's go from a drive.
Let's just go out on the parkway and see where the road takes us.
As we're moving along. We notice the trees, the mountains, the scenery.
We notice that we're not alone on the road. Other cars and trucks pass by. We pass some them. We hear the roar of their engines. We hear the bass pumping from the young folks speeding.

A nice drive with friends and great music is always good for the soul.
While we're out, we want to check our surroundings to make sure all is well.
We want to stay safe.
We want to avoid any accidents or hinderances that will keep us from our destination.
Or we just want to enjoy the ride and not have any unnessessary hassles.
As we're moving along, I'll glance up and check my mirror to see what's behind us. And if we have to change lanes, I'll turn and make sure there's nothing in my blind spot. My friends will help. An extra set of eyes is always good.

And I contemplate. I notice the words on the passanger side mirror. There's a message that reads: "objects in mirror are closer than they appear."

And just like with our past iniquity or our former prisons. Sin is nearer than we think.

Scripture tells us in Genesis 4:7 "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

So, let me confess. I think about my past. I miss the old sins. They worked. They made me feel good. But they were killing me. For example, I was realizing that I was taking small hits of lust on the Internet. I wasn't going all out and looking at porn but a glimpse of flesh here, a person there, and I'm living on the edge. Not that I was actually looking for it but I was. In the back of my mind, I knew what I was doing but I wasn't plunging all the way.

A guy in a small group reminded me when he was discussing how his life had no boundaries and he did what he wanted. Then he drew closer to Jesus and a fence/boundary was put up. The boundary kept him safe but every once and a while he desired to go to the edge and look out and get a glimpse of the action. If he plays on the edge too much he'll fall back into the oblivion from which he was rescued.

I was doing the same thing. I was standing on a fense post. So when I look back in the mirror. It doesn't look so bad. It doesn't seem like it's that big a deal. But it's a lot closer than I think. And it's a lot larger than I think which also means it can do a lot more damage.

In the Scripture we learn that Cain killed his brother. He didn't submit to God. He didn't respond to the warning. Many times we don't either.

If we just do what's right.
If we just confess that we're hurting.
If we just pray.
If we just commune with God and others.
We don't have to drive alone.
We have support to see the blind spots in our lives.
We have accountability to remind us of the mac truck that's right behind us that looks like a toy but can crush me if I get its way.

Furthermore, I can't stare into the mirrors. I have to know what's in front of me as well or I could hit someone else. Scripture also reminds us in Luke 9:62: "Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

I can't look back. I can't get enticed with memories, fantasizes or even images.

It will kill me.

It could kill my friends.

Nothing just affects me but my community as well.

So, let's slow down and pull over and take a break. Grab some snacks. Use the restroom. We've got a long way to go.

6.02.2007

Flex

[The New Series on "Diary of A Saved Man": Pilot Episode]

Working in a gym grants me the privilege to work out for free. One of our members commented on how my body had changed the other day. My look is the product of being in that environment for almost four years now. My attitude toward health is different now. I had been into weight-lifting for years but like most people, I missed days, I didn't push myself as much at times, I thought I could eat what I wanted and then work out and all would be well. But watching my co-workers train has inspired me. In addition, I work in a place where our crowd is much older and seeing those people in their later years still make the effort is unbelievable. Just to witness their health and dedication lets me know that I can have that too once I age. So these days I lift three days a week and do cardiovascular the other four. (I'm still struggling with the cardio though but I'm there.)

Isaiah 40:31: "but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

I'm learning how to flex my faith muscles now. My time in the desert is more intense these days. Financially I'm struggling more than ever before. There are things that absolutely need to be taken care of and soon. So I'm on the bench press of faith. God's adding more weight and He's even spotting me. But man, I don't like it. I look up at Him. It's like ok, on three. "One, two, three ..." I pick it up and slowly drop in on my chest. Man, this is heavy.

Panic.

Breathe.

The sweat of anxiety begins to run down my soul.

Fear and doubt are coming in as my spiritual arms begin to tremble.

Breathe. Don't freak out.

What's going to happen next?

Will I get hurt?

I push.

I break the rules. I try to arch my back. Could cause injury.

It's not working.

I hold my breath.

So I ask for help. ...

His fingers grasps the bar. He pulls some, I push more.

It's working. I'm lifting the weight.

Just thinking to myself: "Jesus, maybe we had taken off about 10 pounds, I could have handled this."

If I could handle it, I wouldn't need a spotter. And truth be told, I don't use a spotter. I don't need one. I never lift too much. I'll keep it safe. I know my limits.

I worked out once with one of the trainers. For a one-hour workout, I was sore for four days.

I see now that I'll go to my limits and stop. If I was willing to go to someone who was further along than me, someone to push me even more, I could get even stronger. I've learned over the past few years to stop isolating and to be accountable and listen. In my distress, I pray, I make a phone call for support. I talk to share my weakness with others. I've found intimacy with God and with others. And the past few months has showed me that it's working. I can lift more weight. But I can't stop when it gets tough. I'll lose the muscle if I give up. If I go back and not push, I may tone up, but there probably won't be an increase in strength. I'll never know my full potential.

And you wont' either if you always desire to stay comfortable with the weight you have.

Man it's really tough being God's display of spendor (Isaiah 61:3).

[Credits]