John 17:20-26
"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."
I read that this morning. I kept hearing something that reminded me of the phrase"that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me." To be in unity with my Father. That's always the goal. But how easily distracted I can become when adversity comes my way. It's been weeks of frustrations, anger, resentments and fear. I can point fingers to spiritual attacks. I know I'm still a major work in progress. I know it's all used to show me the good and the bad. What needs to die so I can truly live. Learning how to be content in everything. Learning that the more I want "things," the more empty they'll make me. The more I want "things" my way, the more empty I'll make me. In the midst of daily walk, I cry out for God to purge out the anger. Save me from the resentment. This stuff will kill me. How do I let go? How do I forgive? How do I really forgive myself? Why do I show favoritism? Is it really that wrong? Wisdom's somewhere in there too right? Jesus, I just want to be connected to the Vine. I need to be centered. I just want communion with Him. It means so much to me. To go up on the mountain like Moses and Aaron and his sons and just eat and drink in His presence (Exodus 24).
So I'm thankful that God pointed me back to that Scripture. And for the first time, I sensed the soft and tender words of Jesus speaking that to me. And to each of you, my fellow disciples, my brothers and sisters, sons and daughters of the Most High.
Be encouraged today as we abide in the Vine. As we work out our salvation with fear and trembling. As we drink the bitter cup of suffering. As we yearn and seek the unity with our Father, with our God. Continue to abide together, never apart.
5.16.2007
3.21.2007
Go in Jesus' name
In The Game Plan, Joe Dallas examines the life of Peter from the Gospels -- from his calling to follow the Lord, to his zeal, to his nightime nap, to his denial of Christ, to his restoration and his ministry.
I'm thinking that God called me out of the ordinary life to a new way of thinking and Kingdom Community which has touched me life to a major degree. I think of the mentoring/discipling I get to do and desire that these men find God, peace, love and become the men they were meant to be. I think of the poetry and the words. The testimony I have to share. All because God saw more in me than I did and kept coming for me.
I look at my story and how all God wanted was for me to give me up. I can't really love Him without His power. When Scripture tells us that we can do all things through Christ which strenghens us, It's not joking. When Jesus arose, he made it a point to tell the women to go tell his disciples -- and Peter -- that He had risen. He made it a point to tell you. He made it a point to come and tell me.
Then Jesus asks him three times, do you love me? Do you love me perfectly, divinely? Agape. Could Peter do it? Could you do it? Could I do it? Can I give what I have and leave it all on the altar? Can I finally stop running and leave me on the altar?
That's where many of us are. That's where I am. I am forgiven, loved, affirmed and accepted. And you are too. Receive it in Jesus' name.
We each are meant to do something specific. We're meant to be who God calls us to be. It's time to be those people and not who someone says we are or who we'd like to be. We've played the game long enough. We've self-rejected long enough. We've hidden from the light long enough.
And so we go, fellow disciples and soon to be disciples. We are no longer prodigals. We go sons and daugthers of the most high. We go warriors. We go in Jesus' name.
I'm thinking that God called me out of the ordinary life to a new way of thinking and Kingdom Community which has touched me life to a major degree. I think of the mentoring/discipling I get to do and desire that these men find God, peace, love and become the men they were meant to be. I think of the poetry and the words. The testimony I have to share. All because God saw more in me than I did and kept coming for me.
I look at my story and how all God wanted was for me to give me up. I can't really love Him without His power. When Scripture tells us that we can do all things through Christ which strenghens us, It's not joking. When Jesus arose, he made it a point to tell the women to go tell his disciples -- and Peter -- that He had risen. He made it a point to tell you. He made it a point to come and tell me.
Then Jesus asks him three times, do you love me? Do you love me perfectly, divinely? Agape. Could Peter do it? Could you do it? Could I do it? Can I give what I have and leave it all on the altar? Can I finally stop running and leave me on the altar?
That's where many of us are. That's where I am. I am forgiven, loved, affirmed and accepted. And you are too. Receive it in Jesus' name.
We each are meant to do something specific. We're meant to be who God calls us to be. It's time to be those people and not who someone says we are or who we'd like to be. We've played the game long enough. We've self-rejected long enough. We've hidden from the light long enough.
And so we go, fellow disciples and soon to be disciples. We are no longer prodigals. We go sons and daugthers of the most high. We go warriors. We go in Jesus' name.
3.05.2007
Past and Present/Special Thanks
"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."
-- Philippians 2:12-13
I"m 30. And truth be told, I didn't think I'd make it.
When I was younger, I never thought I'd live to this age and honestly I didn't want to.
Here's a sample of why ...
"But more important perhaps, for now, simply imagine a home where the members of a family do not shout at one another or steal one another's possessions or restrict one another's movements or slap one another around into subjection or bully one another into compliance or intimidate one another into domestic slavery ... that would be a Christian home."
-- Sister Joan Chittister, Wisdom Distilled from the Daily
I'm a product of domestic slavery
Controlled, destroyed by words, not able to be me
Power of life and death is in the tongue
I wanted to fight, but was much too young
Humiliation and shame is the price to pay
It can be avoided if you “do and act as I say”
What a difference intimidation or manipulation makes
I started to hide, suck up the hurt, whatever it takes
“You won’t get me; I'll show you; you’ll never win”
I thought those words, as I contemplated revenge
Walls to surround me, will my prayers ever work?
God, please protect me, I’m surrounded my jerks
No matter where I went, either home or at school
Why does it seem that destroying me is the rule?
Is there anyone to accept or respect my view of life?
Enduring this trauma, the degrading cuts like a knife
Years later, I accepted their truth, and all of those names
Using other people to take of myself, those became my chains
I was slowly headed for the grave, does anyone care?
I doubt it, so I guess I’ll live in absolute despair
What’s life like with too much sinful activity?
No dignity, constant anxiety, insecurity, a loss of identity
When I wasn’t high, I was usually lonely and angry
But I just had this feeling that Jesus would save me
And He did. Recently, during a Isa Couvertier concert, I saw the words "repent, believe, healed, become" and just that morning I read in Joe Dallas The Game Plan, "prodigal, child, player, warrior."
Repent/ Prodigal
Believe / Child (son)
Healed / Player (disciple)
Become/ Warrior
And that's my story. I'm working it out with fear and trembling. I'm also reminded ...
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I'm moving into the warrior mode. The past few years of my life have been preparation. I time to get intimate with the Father and with my Kingdom family. I've had the honor to walk with some great brothers and sisters of the Faith these past few years. I'm thankful that they've supported and loved me. You'll never know the impact you've had on my life. You'll never know that you helped save a life. As one of my brothers say, "thansk for loving me." And also know as Jonathan Larson wrote, "I die without you."
And so this is what I've learned and my tribute to each of you.
Let's go to the Table, I'm invited, you're invited
By the Mystery, the Presence, so we'll be united
To a feast where our cups will overflow
To learn and fellowship, more than we could ever know
So as He cleans us up from the dirt from our sin
Our past as prodigals is gone, He's forgiven where we've been
Now let's release ourselves from mistakes, rebellion and self-hate
He's anxious for our arrival, He can hardly wait
Can this be real? Intimacy, rest, affirmation can't be beat
Only with the Father, Savior and Spirit, that's sweet
No more worries about heartbreak, disappointment and pain
Comfort and joy flowing down like a small mist, a light rain
I'm grateful to share this with you, my brother and my sister
Words cannot express how much you mean to me, not even a whisper
Now let's celebrate, this is the ultimate Family Reunion
We're with the Trinity, redeemed and at home, yes, this is Communion.
-- Philippians 2:12-13
I"m 30. And truth be told, I didn't think I'd make it.
When I was younger, I never thought I'd live to this age and honestly I didn't want to.
Here's a sample of why ...
"But more important perhaps, for now, simply imagine a home where the members of a family do not shout at one another or steal one another's possessions or restrict one another's movements or slap one another around into subjection or bully one another into compliance or intimidate one another into domestic slavery ... that would be a Christian home."
-- Sister Joan Chittister, Wisdom Distilled from the Daily
I'm a product of domestic slavery
Controlled, destroyed by words, not able to be me
Power of life and death is in the tongue
I wanted to fight, but was much too young
Humiliation and shame is the price to pay
It can be avoided if you “do and act as I say”
What a difference intimidation or manipulation makes
I started to hide, suck up the hurt, whatever it takes
“You won’t get me; I'll show you; you’ll never win”
I thought those words, as I contemplated revenge
Walls to surround me, will my prayers ever work?
God, please protect me, I’m surrounded my jerks
No matter where I went, either home or at school
Why does it seem that destroying me is the rule?
Is there anyone to accept or respect my view of life?
Enduring this trauma, the degrading cuts like a knife
Years later, I accepted their truth, and all of those names
Using other people to take of myself, those became my chains
I was slowly headed for the grave, does anyone care?
I doubt it, so I guess I’ll live in absolute despair
What’s life like with too much sinful activity?
No dignity, constant anxiety, insecurity, a loss of identity
When I wasn’t high, I was usually lonely and angry
But I just had this feeling that Jesus would save me
And He did. Recently, during a Isa Couvertier concert, I saw the words "repent, believe, healed, become" and just that morning I read in Joe Dallas The Game Plan, "prodigal, child, player, warrior."
Repent/ Prodigal
Believe / Child (son)
Healed / Player (disciple)
Become/ Warrior
And that's my story. I'm working it out with fear and trembling. I'm also reminded ...
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I'm moving into the warrior mode. The past few years of my life have been preparation. I time to get intimate with the Father and with my Kingdom family. I've had the honor to walk with some great brothers and sisters of the Faith these past few years. I'm thankful that they've supported and loved me. You'll never know the impact you've had on my life. You'll never know that you helped save a life. As one of my brothers say, "thansk for loving me." And also know as Jonathan Larson wrote, "I die without you."
And so this is what I've learned and my tribute to each of you.
Let's go to the Table, I'm invited, you're invited
By the Mystery, the Presence, so we'll be united
To a feast where our cups will overflow
To learn and fellowship, more than we could ever know
So as He cleans us up from the dirt from our sin
Our past as prodigals is gone, He's forgiven where we've been
Now let's release ourselves from mistakes, rebellion and self-hate
He's anxious for our arrival, He can hardly wait
Can this be real? Intimacy, rest, affirmation can't be beat
Only with the Father, Savior and Spirit, that's sweet
No more worries about heartbreak, disappointment and pain
Comfort and joy flowing down like a small mist, a light rain
I'm grateful to share this with you, my brother and my sister
Words cannot express how much you mean to me, not even a whisper
Now let's celebrate, this is the ultimate Family Reunion
We're with the Trinity, redeemed and at home, yes, this is Communion.
12.29.2006
Trail of Destruction/Chance for Repentance
"I cannot discover God in myself and myself in Him unless I have the courage to face myself exactly as I am, with all my limitations, and to accept others as they are, with all their limitations."
I never thought I would be that person. The one that hurt other people. I was always on the other side of the battle. I was the victim. I was one constantly being hurt. But it's true, hurt people hurt people. I too, was a perpetrator. I recently found that out through months of self-evalution. I realized how selfish I was. The damage I had caused friends and family. It's tough to face. But in the midst I've found something ...
2 Corithians 7:10-11a
"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done."
And I'm thankful for the grace and the mercy to repent, to change, to grow, to love, to grow as a son of the Most High.
-- Thomas Merton, No Man Is An Island
I never thought I would be that person. The one that hurt other people. I was always on the other side of the battle. I was the victim. I was one constantly being hurt. But it's true, hurt people hurt people. I too, was a perpetrator. I recently found that out through months of self-evalution. I realized how selfish I was. The damage I had caused friends and family. It's tough to face. But in the midst I've found something ...
2 Corithians 7:10-11a
"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done."
And I'm thankful for the grace and the mercy to repent, to change, to grow, to love, to grow as a son of the Most High.
12.08.2006
Closet/Waterfall
In our houses we all have that closet or that little room
Where unwanted things are covered and hidden like the shell of a butterfly's cocoon
Filled with memories and things in each of our present and past
We don't want to remember, We don't want them to last
But for some strange reason we can't throw them away
Because, just in case, "I'll save them for another day"
But this isn't last year's Christmas gifts or photos from your first day of school
It's the place where sin reigns, where the darkness looms
I have to confess that's where resentment, fear and anger thrive
If you push the wrong button, I'll cut you with my knives
The cause -- life's unfair, the sickness of our fallen natures
I can reflect on the heartbreaks and see, that room, there's torture
Those hypocrites, manipulators, and rivals, just admit, you hate me
That's my preference; it's better than feeling your wrath, greed and envy
But in my reaction I'm not innocent, not even close to that of a saint
This room is filled with s***, the door disguised with a fresh coat of paint
So I decided to open this place up, where few have gone before
It's going to take awhile to clean it up; time, I'm going to need lots more
Here's a package of unforgiveness, here's one of insecurity
My personal ambition, low self-esteem, self-seeking, unhealthy secrecy
What's this I see? Someone's here with love and support
It's amazing what happens when I allow others to come in the fort
A reccuring dream of a river descending with clean water
When myself, the clay, slowly begins to trust more in the Potter
Can't you hear the waves crash and see the water fall
Quite a site to witness, the beauty of it all
Bye-bye guilt and shame, see you later condemnation
I'm anticipating more freedom, more revitalization
I hear, "The Lord is really doing a work in you life"
Comments from friends who understand this journey of strife
He is and I have to be careful to not be hateful
For a see I'm set apart, and for that Jesus, I'm grateful
Where unwanted things are covered and hidden like the shell of a butterfly's cocoon
Filled with memories and things in each of our present and past
We don't want to remember, We don't want them to last
But for some strange reason we can't throw them away
Because, just in case, "I'll save them for another day"
But this isn't last year's Christmas gifts or photos from your first day of school
It's the place where sin reigns, where the darkness looms
I have to confess that's where resentment, fear and anger thrive
If you push the wrong button, I'll cut you with my knives
The cause -- life's unfair, the sickness of our fallen natures
I can reflect on the heartbreaks and see, that room, there's torture
Those hypocrites, manipulators, and rivals, just admit, you hate me
That's my preference; it's better than feeling your wrath, greed and envy
But in my reaction I'm not innocent, not even close to that of a saint
This room is filled with s***, the door disguised with a fresh coat of paint
So I decided to open this place up, where few have gone before
It's going to take awhile to clean it up; time, I'm going to need lots more
Here's a package of unforgiveness, here's one of insecurity
My personal ambition, low self-esteem, self-seeking, unhealthy secrecy
What's this I see? Someone's here with love and support
It's amazing what happens when I allow others to come in the fort
A reccuring dream of a river descending with clean water
When myself, the clay, slowly begins to trust more in the Potter
Can't you hear the waves crash and see the water fall
Quite a site to witness, the beauty of it all
Bye-bye guilt and shame, see you later condemnation
I'm anticipating more freedom, more revitalization
I hear, "The Lord is really doing a work in you life"
Comments from friends who understand this journey of strife
He is and I have to be careful to not be hateful
For a see I'm set apart, and for that Jesus, I'm grateful
10.03.2006
Unleashing the Light
A hymn to reflect "Lift Him Up"
How to reach the masses, men of every birth,
For an answer, Jesus gave the key:
“And I, if I be lifted up from the earth,
Will draw all men unto Me.”
[Refrain]
Lift Him up, lift Him up;
Still He speaks from eternity:
“And I, if I be lifted up from the earth,
Will draw all men unto Me.”
Oh! the world is hungry for the Living Bread,
Lift the Savior up for them to see;
Trust Him, and do not doubt the words that He said,
“I’ll draw all men unto Me.”
Don’t exalt the preacher, don’t exalt the pew,
Preach the Gospel simple, full, and free;
Prove Him and you will find that promise is true,
“I’ll draw all men unto Me.”
Lift Him up by living as a Christian ought,
Let the world in you the Savior see;
Then men will gladly follow Him Who once taught,
“I’ll draw all men unto Me.”
Written by Johnson Oatman, Jr., the song is based on John 12:32 "But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself."
At our recent church leadership retreat at Southern Seminary in Louisville, we got some time to go and be by ourselves to listen to God. During this time, I went into one of the chapels and that hymn was going through my head. Then I looked at the blinds to the windows were all down but light was slowly coming through. Then it was like God said, that's you. With the blinds closed, a little light shines through. But if you pull the string, more light can come through. The blinds block out the light. We all have blinds -- fear, shame, inferiority and the list goes on. Who has control of the string? I need to submit control so the Light can shine through. So when the Light shines through, when the Savior is liften up, then men will be drawn unto Christ.
John 12:36a: "Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may become sons of light."
As I hand over the string, may I continue to walk in the Light and walk in the authority and my original design as a son of the Light.
May you do the same.
Unleased in Christ,
CD
How to reach the masses, men of every birth,
For an answer, Jesus gave the key:
“And I, if I be lifted up from the earth,
Will draw all men unto Me.”
[Refrain]
Lift Him up, lift Him up;
Still He speaks from eternity:
“And I, if I be lifted up from the earth,
Will draw all men unto Me.”
Oh! the world is hungry for the Living Bread,
Lift the Savior up for them to see;
Trust Him, and do not doubt the words that He said,
“I’ll draw all men unto Me.”
Don’t exalt the preacher, don’t exalt the pew,
Preach the Gospel simple, full, and free;
Prove Him and you will find that promise is true,
“I’ll draw all men unto Me.”
Lift Him up by living as a Christian ought,
Let the world in you the Savior see;
Then men will gladly follow Him Who once taught,
“I’ll draw all men unto Me.”
Written by Johnson Oatman, Jr., the song is based on John 12:32 "But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself."
At our recent church leadership retreat at Southern Seminary in Louisville, we got some time to go and be by ourselves to listen to God. During this time, I went into one of the chapels and that hymn was going through my head. Then I looked at the blinds to the windows were all down but light was slowly coming through. Then it was like God said, that's you. With the blinds closed, a little light shines through. But if you pull the string, more light can come through. The blinds block out the light. We all have blinds -- fear, shame, inferiority and the list goes on. Who has control of the string? I need to submit control so the Light can shine through. So when the Light shines through, when the Savior is liften up, then men will be drawn unto Christ.
John 12:36a: "Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may become sons of light."
As I hand over the string, may I continue to walk in the Light and walk in the authority and my original design as a son of the Light.
May you do the same.
Unleased in Christ,
CD
9.05.2006
Come Closer: The Reprise
It's been almost a year since I heard the words, "come closer" during an all-night prayer vigil at ATS. If not for Christ' death, the Perfect Sacrifice, I would not be allowed to move nearer to God, to enter into that Most Holy Place to have fellowship with the Father. A year of character and intergrity building which lead to humility and death to things that needed to die, I did move closer. I thought sin or a job would fix the void I was carrying in my heart. Only God Himself will ever be enough but I had to be purified and consecrated. I could not clean myself up or perform well enough. I just had to let the High Priest intercede for me and clean me up for communion at the Table.
In the desert I found an intimacy I would otherwise never have known ...
In the desert I found an intimacy I would otherwise never have known ...
8.31.2006
Making Sense of the Wilderness
I'm right where You want me to be.
I believe it Today.
In Jesus' name. Amen.
It hit me this morning. With my current reading materials and going through the Book of Hebrews, I finally got a glimpse and finally accepted that God knows what He's doing. I needed this year off. It hurts and I don't like living like this. But I worshipped other gods. I had faith in other gods. We always have faith and worship something. We're always looking. I realized other the past year that some of my views about God were wrong. I can tell you what the Bible says but what I believed and experienced was different. So, reading Hebrews now is like reinforcing the Truth about Jesus. I see it more relational now. I really see Him as the Son of God, the High Priest, the one worthy of worship. Going to various churches, retreats, doing real work in small groups, doing accountability, having "facetime" with friends has changed everyting.
I know desire to commune with the High Priest; He calls me holy brother.
In the desert I'm finding an intimacy I would never know. ...
I believe it Today.
In Jesus' name. Amen.
It hit me this morning. With my current reading materials and going through the Book of Hebrews, I finally got a glimpse and finally accepted that God knows what He's doing. I needed this year off. It hurts and I don't like living like this. But I worshipped other gods. I had faith in other gods. We always have faith and worship something. We're always looking. I realized other the past year that some of my views about God were wrong. I can tell you what the Bible says but what I believed and experienced was different. So, reading Hebrews now is like reinforcing the Truth about Jesus. I see it more relational now. I really see Him as the Son of God, the High Priest, the one worthy of worship. Going to various churches, retreats, doing real work in small groups, doing accountability, having "facetime" with friends has changed everyting.
I know desire to commune with the High Priest; He calls me holy brother.
In the desert I'm finding an intimacy I would never know. ...
7.31.2006
The Wilderness Continues for the Priest ...
“From Scripture we see that God seems to have a fondness for dealing with his chosen ones in the physical desert. He shaped a people for Himself on the desert journey from Egypt to Canaan. In the desert people are quickly confronted with basic issues: despair or trust, freedom or slavery, life or death. In the desert, perhaps better than anywhere, God can teach His servants the lesson of total reliance on Him because there is nothing else for them to rely on.”
-- Charles Cummings, "Spirituality and the Desert Experience"
It's been a long time. I've been out of school for more than a year. I've learned a lot, seen a lot and (hopefully) grown a lot. But in the midst of it all, I'm still suffering in one form or another. The above quote came from one of my last papers for Seminary. I started reading my work from the independent study and amazingly, so much of it even helped today. In November 2004, I prayed for a repentant heart. I had no idea that God would answer it like this. I had no idea about the heartbreak, the constant thoughts of "when will this end?" And lately, my plea for "no more."
“Even in the desert of loneliness God remains our Father, who loves and wishes to prepare us in the desert for an intimacy we cannot imagine”
-- Charles Cummings, "Spirituality and the Desert Experience"
Really? Well, I have to say yes. Who can see God and live? That's the way it works. In the past month, I've heard the word "priests" many times. One of my friends had an idea that the priest are the ones who can enter the Holy of Holies for intimate communion with God. In the midst of church last week, I felt "communion" was stirring in my soul. That's all I wanted. I forgot about everything. But man, the cost ...
“As we begin to let go of sinful impediments and live in true poverty of spirit, turning always to God as flowers to the sun, we shall soon be transformed into the persons we were meant by God to be”
--Susan Muto, “Dark Night for Today: The Ascent"
-- Charles Cummings, "Spirituality and the Desert Experience"
It's been a long time. I've been out of school for more than a year. I've learned a lot, seen a lot and (hopefully) grown a lot. But in the midst of it all, I'm still suffering in one form or another. The above quote came from one of my last papers for Seminary. I started reading my work from the independent study and amazingly, so much of it even helped today. In November 2004, I prayed for a repentant heart. I had no idea that God would answer it like this. I had no idea about the heartbreak, the constant thoughts of "when will this end?" And lately, my plea for "no more."
“Even in the desert of loneliness God remains our Father, who loves and wishes to prepare us in the desert for an intimacy we cannot imagine”
-- Charles Cummings, "Spirituality and the Desert Experience"
Really? Well, I have to say yes. Who can see God and live? That's the way it works. In the past month, I've heard the word "priests" many times. One of my friends had an idea that the priest are the ones who can enter the Holy of Holies for intimate communion with God. In the midst of church last week, I felt "communion" was stirring in my soul. That's all I wanted. I forgot about everything. But man, the cost ...
“As we begin to let go of sinful impediments and live in true poverty of spirit, turning always to God as flowers to the sun, we shall soon be transformed into the persons we were meant by God to be”
--Susan Muto, “Dark Night for Today: The Ascent"
6.12.2006
My Brothers
My brothers, my friends, it's great to see
How great it is when we walk together in unity
The culture tells us it's ok to be alone
But with no support, we end up in the wrong zone
The way we handled our hurts and our fear
Cover up the pain, we believed, God can't be near
That season ended, we learned the hard way
That sin leads to a life of decay
I'm honored for every chance to listen
To hear your amazing story of God's redemption
Of your falls, sins and failures that may keep you down
Rest assured, you're forgiven,
my friend, now put on your crown
Of beauty, radiance and the light of our Savior
We sit and contemplate His love, wow! It's major
There's a work going on, something we can't explain
Thank you for your prayers as you call on His Name
I pour in your life and you pour into mine
I'll never forget you cared, thanks for your time
My life is so much better, if you only knew
I"ve learned that with no community,
as Jonathan Larson wrote, "I die without you"
Make no mistake, I'm not making you a god
I thank Yahweh that we can have fellowship,
sometimes just talking about our ipods
He's the real reason why we're not dead,
Living in bondage or sick in the head
We'll be preaching and teaching no matter the cost
We all know that even in the church, so many are still lost
They have no idea that the Kingdom's here and now
All they have to do is say, Jesus, "I bow"
We've learned that it's difficult for us to die
To show our real selves, because on the outside,
most of it was a lie
So with my brothers, you challenge me to be a man
Then God promises me, He's there — my Rock —
all other ground is sinking sand
Whether together or apart, let's continue to agree
Always be in touch, I love you, we're family
Dear Jesus, draw Him close, protect, bless my brother
and speak to his heart:
"You're accepted and beloved, my son — a work of art"
How great it is when we walk together in unity
The culture tells us it's ok to be alone
But with no support, we end up in the wrong zone
The way we handled our hurts and our fear
Cover up the pain, we believed, God can't be near
That season ended, we learned the hard way
That sin leads to a life of decay
I'm honored for every chance to listen
To hear your amazing story of God's redemption
Of your falls, sins and failures that may keep you down
Rest assured, you're forgiven,
my friend, now put on your crown
Of beauty, radiance and the light of our Savior
We sit and contemplate His love, wow! It's major
There's a work going on, something we can't explain
Thank you for your prayers as you call on His Name
I pour in your life and you pour into mine
I'll never forget you cared, thanks for your time
My life is so much better, if you only knew
I"ve learned that with no community,
as Jonathan Larson wrote, "I die without you"
Make no mistake, I'm not making you a god
I thank Yahweh that we can have fellowship,
sometimes just talking about our ipods
He's the real reason why we're not dead,
Living in bondage or sick in the head
We'll be preaching and teaching no matter the cost
We all know that even in the church, so many are still lost
They have no idea that the Kingdom's here and now
All they have to do is say, Jesus, "I bow"
We've learned that it's difficult for us to die
To show our real selves, because on the outside,
most of it was a lie
So with my brothers, you challenge me to be a man
Then God promises me, He's there — my Rock —
all other ground is sinking sand
Whether together or apart, let's continue to agree
Always be in touch, I love you, we're family
Dear Jesus, draw Him close, protect, bless my brother
and speak to his heart:
"You're accepted and beloved, my son — a work of art"
5.31.2006
Facetime
Just when I had given up
You were waiting for me to submit
I said yes and realized
It was my sin, my hurts, my doubts I must admit
Overwhelmed with envy
Stuck in a pity party
I acknowledge this time of preparation
Continued sanctification
Going deeper with You
Must occur with other sons and daughters
Connecting them them
Connects me with You, my Living Water
I spent a season, holding on to Your feet
Then decided I want to move to Your chest
It will cost my life
To listen to Your heartbeat, that's best
Honesty, love, sacrifice
Abiding with the Vine
Confession, repetentance, accountability
Transformation occurs during facetime
You were waiting for me to submit
I said yes and realized
It was my sin, my hurts, my doubts I must admit
Overwhelmed with envy
Stuck in a pity party
I acknowledge this time of preparation
Continued sanctification
Going deeper with You
Must occur with other sons and daughters
Connecting them them
Connects me with You, my Living Water
I spent a season, holding on to Your feet
Then decided I want to move to Your chest
It will cost my life
To listen to Your heartbeat, that's best
Honesty, love, sacrifice
Abiding with the Vine
Confession, repetentance, accountability
Transformation occurs during facetime
5.25.2006
Heartbroken
Can one more thing go wrong?
How much more of this suffering must go on?
No direction, no goals
No idea what to do anymore
Yeah, that's right, my anger's far from gone
I'm sure there's Scripture
Or some advice you can give
You have no idea of the pain, frustration
When all your childhood dreams
Can no longer live
Do they have to die?
I still hope they come true
Bit the bullet, worked hard
Success, titles, adoration
My idols; on the inside, I'm blue
This is not the life I envisioned
But Christian ministry is no joke
I knew better to think that it would be easy
And without the comfort
Some days I wonder, did I choke?
This isn't about me
I hear it, I understand
But when the rubber hits the road
And the truth comes to life
Sometimes I don't like playing in this band
I can never give up
I've tried many times before
Believe it or not
The sinners I hung with
Knew I was destined for more
So today I realize I'm dying
I discover what really make me tick
I confess the darkness in the light
Get rid of the stuff
That's been making me sick
Interviews from DC to the West Coast
It's been "no" after "no"
And what I've learned is that
I don't do well
When I'm not chosen
So you're reading my dairy
Written in my head where it's spoken
Now you know what's it like
When your expectations, aspirations and passions
Don't get met, yes, I'm heartbroken.
How much more of this suffering must go on?
No direction, no goals
No idea what to do anymore
Yeah, that's right, my anger's far from gone
I'm sure there's Scripture
Or some advice you can give
You have no idea of the pain, frustration
When all your childhood dreams
Can no longer live
Do they have to die?
I still hope they come true
Bit the bullet, worked hard
Success, titles, adoration
My idols; on the inside, I'm blue
This is not the life I envisioned
But Christian ministry is no joke
I knew better to think that it would be easy
And without the comfort
Some days I wonder, did I choke?
This isn't about me
I hear it, I understand
But when the rubber hits the road
And the truth comes to life
Sometimes I don't like playing in this band
I can never give up
I've tried many times before
Believe it or not
The sinners I hung with
Knew I was destined for more
So today I realize I'm dying
I discover what really make me tick
I confess the darkness in the light
Get rid of the stuff
That's been making me sick
Interviews from DC to the West Coast
It's been "no" after "no"
And what I've learned is that
I don't do well
When I'm not chosen
So you're reading my dairy
Written in my head where it's spoken
Now you know what's it like
When your expectations, aspirations and passions
Don't get met, yes, I'm heartbroken.
5.17.2006
Living Behind Closed Doors
If you could really see I've been playing this game
No one can see my heartache and shame
A lifetime of living with lie after lie
So much fight to keep hope alive
I'd given up when I was about 13
Kids and family, everybody's so freaking mean
So in this game of hide and seek
If you dig deep enough, you see, I'm really weak
I did whatever I could to avoid pain
Show no emotion, filter my words, no conflict can reign
You may not believe I'm an angry person
Not able to trust, so my condition worsens
But those feelings do not just go away
They come back with a vengeance and I live with them each day
Counselors, mentors, small groups and friends
I must disclose, share my heart and confess my sins
During the past nine months I had no clue
That moving closer to God, it's my time, I'm due
Change was bound to come, one step at a time
The softening of my heart, the renewing of my mind
The tears may come, you may even see
I'm not as even keel as I appear to be
Chains will break, sight to the blind
Who is this man? He's confident yet kind
Acceptance, love and security, that's what I was searching for
Titles, trophies, worship and sex; I wanted more, more, more
That season has been ending for quite some time
Those were my best friends, they were mine
I grieve as I bury them in a grave
A close walk with Jesus is my reward, if I behave :)
I desire Him in fellowship in my innermost core
Come join me, brothers and sisters, I can't do this
living behind closed doors.
No one can see my heartache and shame
A lifetime of living with lie after lie
So much fight to keep hope alive
I'd given up when I was about 13
Kids and family, everybody's so freaking mean
So in this game of hide and seek
If you dig deep enough, you see, I'm really weak
I did whatever I could to avoid pain
Show no emotion, filter my words, no conflict can reign
You may not believe I'm an angry person
Not able to trust, so my condition worsens
But those feelings do not just go away
They come back with a vengeance and I live with them each day
Counselors, mentors, small groups and friends
I must disclose, share my heart and confess my sins
During the past nine months I had no clue
That moving closer to God, it's my time, I'm due
Change was bound to come, one step at a time
The softening of my heart, the renewing of my mind
The tears may come, you may even see
I'm not as even keel as I appear to be
Chains will break, sight to the blind
Who is this man? He's confident yet kind
Acceptance, love and security, that's what I was searching for
Titles, trophies, worship and sex; I wanted more, more, more
That season has been ending for quite some time
Those were my best friends, they were mine
I grieve as I bury them in a grave
A close walk with Jesus is my reward, if I behave :)
I desire Him in fellowship in my innermost core
Come join me, brothers and sisters, I can't do this
living behind closed doors.
4.10.2006
From my heart to Yours
Matthew 27:50-51
And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.
I've questioned my salvation for a long time. Despite all of the amazing things God has done for me. All of the healing and transformation, etc. I was alwasy wondering. I still struggle with so much and Christians can't possibly feel like this? Over the past few weeks, I discovered where it was coming from. Our parents influence our view of God and whether or not we notice it or even want to admit it, we can't get around it. When I was confronted with this (even though I had heard it taught), it opened my eyes that I the God I knew about was different from the one I felt about. After confessing it, amazingly, I sensed a release.
Rip...
I've had to really work at making emotional connections with people. It's easy to sit one-on-one and talk and confess everything ... and then be somewhere else or hold the emotions aside. But in reality, no intimate connection is made and I'm left empty. So I made a decision to go into situations that I will share and will make an effort to let you know what's really going on. In the midst of this, I feel connected not only to the other person, but also to God. It's great walking with Him. True Christian community does work. Another release.
Tear...
I'm reading Max Lucado's He Chose the Nails. It takes readers through Jesus' death on the cross and his ordeal. One chapter just focused on Jesus' getting spit on by the soilders and how He took it to the cross. The spit showed how ugly humans can be. He took on the ugliness so we can be beautiful like Him. But in reading that, I remember praying to God when I was younger and getting picked on and humilated at school and at home and how much I just wanted a good day. When it didn't happen, my faith, my hope left and I was wounded. But in reading it and other parts of the book, I felt a connection with Jesus. For once, I understood. He understood me. ... Release.
Split...
When Lucado examines the tearing of Jesus' flesh due to the nails, the beatings, bearing the weight of the cross, and the crown of thorns, he notes the veil in the temple was torn in two and how that allows us to enter into the presence of God. Jesus' opened the door. Max then notes how the thing that keeps us back is our failures and shortcomings.
Behind the veil around my heart, I carried the shame of all of my sins, failures and mistakes. I wanted to hide the darkness of revenge, resentfulness and bitterness in my heart. I didn't want you to know about the fear I that I carry. I knew to ask for forgiveness. But did I hang around to accept it. Now I know in my heart, that His blood washed away my sins. "My sin, not in part, but the whole/Is nailed to His cross and I bear it no more" ("It Is Well With My Soul"). Salvation is given and we accept. We do have to continue to work it out. It's two parts. I've known that but now the curtain that surrounded my heart is tearing from top to bottom. I'm beginning to know God and He knows me. I'm accepted. I'm a man of God. I'm after His heart. It's not for stuff anymore. It's not for a job anymore. It's not to be defined by position, title or acceptance for being good a lot of things. It's just for communion with Him. I pray for God to know me. I want to know Him.
God, from my heart to Yours.
CD
Hebrews 10:19-20
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, His body.
And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.
I've questioned my salvation for a long time. Despite all of the amazing things God has done for me. All of the healing and transformation, etc. I was alwasy wondering. I still struggle with so much and Christians can't possibly feel like this? Over the past few weeks, I discovered where it was coming from. Our parents influence our view of God and whether or not we notice it or even want to admit it, we can't get around it. When I was confronted with this (even though I had heard it taught), it opened my eyes that I the God I knew about was different from the one I felt about. After confessing it, amazingly, I sensed a release.
Rip...
I've had to really work at making emotional connections with people. It's easy to sit one-on-one and talk and confess everything ... and then be somewhere else or hold the emotions aside. But in reality, no intimate connection is made and I'm left empty. So I made a decision to go into situations that I will share and will make an effort to let you know what's really going on. In the midst of this, I feel connected not only to the other person, but also to God. It's great walking with Him. True Christian community does work. Another release.
Tear...
I'm reading Max Lucado's He Chose the Nails. It takes readers through Jesus' death on the cross and his ordeal. One chapter just focused on Jesus' getting spit on by the soilders and how He took it to the cross. The spit showed how ugly humans can be. He took on the ugliness so we can be beautiful like Him. But in reading that, I remember praying to God when I was younger and getting picked on and humilated at school and at home and how much I just wanted a good day. When it didn't happen, my faith, my hope left and I was wounded. But in reading it and other parts of the book, I felt a connection with Jesus. For once, I understood. He understood me. ... Release.
Split...
When Lucado examines the tearing of Jesus' flesh due to the nails, the beatings, bearing the weight of the cross, and the crown of thorns, he notes the veil in the temple was torn in two and how that allows us to enter into the presence of God. Jesus' opened the door. Max then notes how the thing that keeps us back is our failures and shortcomings.
Behind the veil around my heart, I carried the shame of all of my sins, failures and mistakes. I wanted to hide the darkness of revenge, resentfulness and bitterness in my heart. I didn't want you to know about the fear I that I carry. I knew to ask for forgiveness. But did I hang around to accept it. Now I know in my heart, that His blood washed away my sins. "My sin, not in part, but the whole/Is nailed to His cross and I bear it no more" ("It Is Well With My Soul"). Salvation is given and we accept. We do have to continue to work it out. It's two parts. I've known that but now the curtain that surrounded my heart is tearing from top to bottom. I'm beginning to know God and He knows me. I'm accepted. I'm a man of God. I'm after His heart. It's not for stuff anymore. It's not for a job anymore. It's not to be defined by position, title or acceptance for being good a lot of things. It's just for communion with Him. I pray for God to know me. I want to know Him.
God, from my heart to Yours.
CD
Hebrews 10:19-20
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, His body.
3.31.2006
My Daily Bread
Over the past few weeks I've been blessed. In a two-week period, people brought me food -- like 10 bags worth -- and I was taken to lunch multiple times. I got a raise at my part-time job, some cash I didn't expect and an increase in hours. I'm just grateful to God and thank Him for taken care of me during this time.
3.06.2006
Chosen: An Intriguing Aftertaste
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
-- Luke 10:38-42
Many of us are familiar with the above passage and have heard many sermons on it. At a service at church about a week ago, we were discussing various topics and I was sharing about my current situation where I have ideas about where I'm headed in ministry and the signs that have been coming my way but not exactly sure what it looks like in reality. One lady told me (and everybody) that the place where we need to be is at the feet of Jesus.
Oh.
After she said that, that small voice came and said, "I've been waiting on you."
So as I planned to go home and pray about it (and it took another day), the story came to me and I reread it.
The only way I'm going to get the answers I'm seeking is at the Lord's feet. The image I picture is me holding on to his calf these days.
I went to the altar during ATS' Wholeness Conference as Andy Comiskey shared his story and then went into a prayer time for freedom from shame. He also blessed us for our uniqueness in our personhoods. After it was over, one of the ministers said the angels were celebrating over me and my life and what was to come. I was encouraged.
I'm encouraged that I'm learning more about my brokenness. The root issues that drive my struggles. I've been brokenhearted. I've been self rejecting myself. Issues of co-dependency have been floating around in my system. I avoid pain. I control. I lust, not just sexually, but with anger, resentment, fantasy. Boundary struggles. I don't like not being "chosen." I don't want you to see me. And I still don't know who that is. ...
But at the feet of Jesus, I'm beloved, He delights in me. I'm blessed. His grace and mercy all around me. I experience it every day and its in abundance.
... and so much more.
For the season of Lent, I'm giving up something that seems a little strange. For those of you who like cranberry juice, more power to you. I'm not a fan, it's one of the worse aftertastes I've ever experienced but it's good for your health. I usually drink CranGrape which is kind of a mix and much more enjoyable. So, as I drink up the cranberry juice, I endure the bitter aftertaste. It may only be brief, but the discomfort is my sacrifice. It reminds me of the bitter cup of suffering of Jesus took for me. His blood cleanes and makes whole. Cranberry juice helps the immune system, fights various bacteria, contains a variety of vitamins and the list goes on.
The aftertaste has my attention and I pray. Praying for my healing and if even for a brief moment, I'm at His feet. I'm changing from the inside out. I'm giving my life to Him. He chooses me everytime.
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
-- Luke 10:38-42
Many of us are familiar with the above passage and have heard many sermons on it. At a service at church about a week ago, we were discussing various topics and I was sharing about my current situation where I have ideas about where I'm headed in ministry and the signs that have been coming my way but not exactly sure what it looks like in reality. One lady told me (and everybody) that the place where we need to be is at the feet of Jesus.
Oh.
After she said that, that small voice came and said, "I've been waiting on you."
So as I planned to go home and pray about it (and it took another day), the story came to me and I reread it.
The only way I'm going to get the answers I'm seeking is at the Lord's feet. The image I picture is me holding on to his calf these days.
I went to the altar during ATS' Wholeness Conference as Andy Comiskey shared his story and then went into a prayer time for freedom from shame. He also blessed us for our uniqueness in our personhoods. After it was over, one of the ministers said the angels were celebrating over me and my life and what was to come. I was encouraged.
I'm encouraged that I'm learning more about my brokenness. The root issues that drive my struggles. I've been brokenhearted. I've been self rejecting myself. Issues of co-dependency have been floating around in my system. I avoid pain. I control. I lust, not just sexually, but with anger, resentment, fantasy. Boundary struggles. I don't like not being "chosen." I don't want you to see me. And I still don't know who that is. ...
But at the feet of Jesus, I'm beloved, He delights in me. I'm blessed. His grace and mercy all around me. I experience it every day and its in abundance.
... and so much more.
For the season of Lent, I'm giving up something that seems a little strange. For those of you who like cranberry juice, more power to you. I'm not a fan, it's one of the worse aftertastes I've ever experienced but it's good for your health. I usually drink CranGrape which is kind of a mix and much more enjoyable. So, as I drink up the cranberry juice, I endure the bitter aftertaste. It may only be brief, but the discomfort is my sacrifice. It reminds me of the bitter cup of suffering of Jesus took for me. His blood cleanes and makes whole. Cranberry juice helps the immune system, fights various bacteria, contains a variety of vitamins and the list goes on.
The aftertaste has my attention and I pray. Praying for my healing and if even for a brief moment, I'm at His feet. I'm changing from the inside out. I'm giving my life to Him. He chooses me everytime.
2.14.2006
Identity Crisis: Solution in Progress
Back in January, my mentor challenged me to ask God who He wants me to be and what He wants me to do. So, I started praying about it. I even fasted during a week amazingly, the answers started to come. God confirmed that I was annointed, reverend, bishop and other words pointing toward being set apart for the work of the ministry. The amazing thing is that I was so close to giving up on myself being able to do ministry. I wasn't good enough, had sinned too much and really didn't want to stop.
If you ask me how I see myself, most likely I'm going to tell you about the negative. When it happened, it surprised me too. I thought I was passed it. Talking about myself in a positive manner was tough. In the meantime, I found that I have a problem with co-dependency. I've tried so many things to feel special and loved and affirmed and all along, God wanted to be my Father and help me to grow up in a healthy manner. To accept that He loves me and that I'm special no matter how many times I mess up. He wants to know what I feel, what I think and while I've been doing that in the past few years, He wants true intimacy. My heart opens so much more -- He just wants an amazing relationship with me.
I'm tired of settling for mediocrity. I've been taking particular steps and make myself more known to people around me and while it's been tough, I'm more peaceful than I've ever been.
What's really started to surprise me are the Scriputes are grabbing my attention -- Isaiah 61, Isaiah 6 and Jeremiah 1:7-17. If you check them out, huge tasks. While I approach them with hesitancy, I'm also excited. Here I am on the verge of preaching to the poor, submitting to God to send me and willing to drop the excuses to labor the harvest -- challenging God's people to grow up, get off the milk and press toward the mark of the Christ Jesus. ... And I'm talking about the local church.
And to top it off, I'm starting to believe that my guilt is gone, my sin atoned for.
Know that you can have the same, my brothers and sisters.
Be encouraged.
In Christ,
CD
If you ask me how I see myself, most likely I'm going to tell you about the negative. When it happened, it surprised me too. I thought I was passed it. Talking about myself in a positive manner was tough. In the meantime, I found that I have a problem with co-dependency. I've tried so many things to feel special and loved and affirmed and all along, God wanted to be my Father and help me to grow up in a healthy manner. To accept that He loves me and that I'm special no matter how many times I mess up. He wants to know what I feel, what I think and while I've been doing that in the past few years, He wants true intimacy. My heart opens so much more -- He just wants an amazing relationship with me.
I'm tired of settling for mediocrity. I've been taking particular steps and make myself more known to people around me and while it's been tough, I'm more peaceful than I've ever been.
What's really started to surprise me are the Scriputes are grabbing my attention -- Isaiah 61, Isaiah 6 and Jeremiah 1:7-17. If you check them out, huge tasks. While I approach them with hesitancy, I'm also excited. Here I am on the verge of preaching to the poor, submitting to God to send me and willing to drop the excuses to labor the harvest -- challenging God's people to grow up, get off the milk and press toward the mark of the Christ Jesus. ... And I'm talking about the local church.
And to top it off, I'm starting to believe that my guilt is gone, my sin atoned for.
Know that you can have the same, my brothers and sisters.
Be encouraged.
In Christ,
CD
12.30.2005
I'm sorry, God
I'm coming to realize a lot these days. I once had a counselor talk to me about being sorry for the damage I'd done to myself. I "kind of" got it that day. But recently, I'm starting to see more and more of bad decisions I made in my past and how they affect me today. I blamed a lot of people and I blamed God for most of it. How come He didn't do anything? Well, He probably was trying but I was doing things my way. So now I say...
I'm sorry, God.
I'm sorry for not trusting You and for not letting You take care of me. I've got a ways to go but I'll put my best foot forward and I pray that you make me perfect in love, I cast my anxiety on You for you care for me, please renew my mind and create in me a new heart -- that I'm motivated out of love and trust for You.
"It is to the man who loves Him that Jesus reveals Himself even more fully. Obidient, trusting love lends to a fuller and a fuller revelation. ... No evil man can receive the revelation of God. he can be used by God, but he can have no fellowship with God. It is only to the man who is looking for Him that God reveals Himself. ... Fellowship with God, the revelation of God, are dependent on love; and love is dependent on obedience (as cited by Willam Barclay, 'The Gospel of John')."
-- From "Enjoying Intimacy with God," J. Oswald Sanders, p. 75-76
To my friends, family, brothers and sisters, I'm sorry that I haven't given you my best. In the new year, I'll do better. Let's press on together.
Much love.
In Christ,
CD
I'm sorry, God.
I'm sorry for not trusting You and for not letting You take care of me. I've got a ways to go but I'll put my best foot forward and I pray that you make me perfect in love, I cast my anxiety on You for you care for me, please renew my mind and create in me a new heart -- that I'm motivated out of love and trust for You.
"It is to the man who loves Him that Jesus reveals Himself even more fully. Obidient, trusting love lends to a fuller and a fuller revelation. ... No evil man can receive the revelation of God. he can be used by God, but he can have no fellowship with God. It is only to the man who is looking for Him that God reveals Himself. ... Fellowship with God, the revelation of God, are dependent on love; and love is dependent on obedience (as cited by Willam Barclay, 'The Gospel of John')."
-- From "Enjoying Intimacy with God," J. Oswald Sanders, p. 75-76
To my friends, family, brothers and sisters, I'm sorry that I haven't given you my best. In the new year, I'll do better. Let's press on together.
Much love.
In Christ,
CD
12.15.2005
He Does It Well
The heavens are telling
Of God and His glory
A mighty God we serve
They speak of His character
Awesome Creator
A mighty God we serve
Angels bow before Him
Heaven and earth adore Him
No other God above Him
A mighty God we serve
Hail the power and glory of God
Hail the power and glory of God
The earth and skies, glory
The land and seas, God's glory
The flowers and trees, glory
You and me, God's glory
Everything He does
He does it well
He does it well
What a mighty God we serve
-- From "The Heavens Are Telling" by Karen Clark-Sheard
Of God and His glory
A mighty God we serve
They speak of His character
Awesome Creator
A mighty God we serve
Angels bow before Him
Heaven and earth adore Him
No other God above Him
A mighty God we serve
Hail the power and glory of God
Hail the power and glory of God
The earth and skies, glory
The land and seas, God's glory
The flowers and trees, glory
You and me, God's glory
Everything He does
He does it well
He does it well
What a mighty God we serve
-- From "The Heavens Are Telling" by Karen Clark-Sheard
12.05.2005
Face To Face
We gravitate toward people that make us feel good.
True relationships are what we seek but really have no idea what we're asking for. I learned recently the reason behind accountability. The truth spoken from the outside. I lie to myself a lot. I can give you just enough of the truth to make you think what I want you to. I came face to face with myself over the weekend. A friend called me out on my self-centeredness and my bad habits. He threw out some recommendations for help. It took a couple of days to sink in. While I may still disagree in some areas, the bottom line is that sin is sin. I love helping people out of their mess. Why don't I want the same for mysef? I do at times. But then this cross-bearing gets hard and I don't want to anymore. "Living the life" throughout the week is tough. Especially when you've been doing it your way most of your life ... like me.
The hard truth, it's not about me. It never has been. It's about God and what He wants.
It's not about you. It's about God and what He wants.
"Anything crooked in the life must be straightened, any stumbling blocks removed. Low levels of spiritual living must be raised, and rough character polished. Areas of neglect must be remedied, and relationships adjusted. This is something for which we alone are responsible, but the Holy Spirit will cooperate with us to this end."
-- From "Enjoying Intimacy with God," J. Oswald Sanders, p. 29
True relationships are what we seek but really have no idea what we're asking for. I learned recently the reason behind accountability. The truth spoken from the outside. I lie to myself a lot. I can give you just enough of the truth to make you think what I want you to. I came face to face with myself over the weekend. A friend called me out on my self-centeredness and my bad habits. He threw out some recommendations for help. It took a couple of days to sink in. While I may still disagree in some areas, the bottom line is that sin is sin. I love helping people out of their mess. Why don't I want the same for mysef? I do at times. But then this cross-bearing gets hard and I don't want to anymore. "Living the life" throughout the week is tough. Especially when you've been doing it your way most of your life ... like me.
The hard truth, it's not about me. It never has been. It's about God and what He wants.
It's not about you. It's about God and what He wants.
"Anything crooked in the life must be straightened, any stumbling blocks removed. Low levels of spiritual living must be raised, and rough character polished. Areas of neglect must be remedied, and relationships adjusted. This is something for which we alone are responsible, but the Holy Spirit will cooperate with us to this end."
-- From "Enjoying Intimacy with God," J. Oswald Sanders, p. 29
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