An excerpt from Sacred Romance:"We can either deaden our heart or divide our life into two parts, where our outer story becomes the theater of the should and our inner story the theater of our needs, the place where we quench the thirt of our heart with whatever water is available. I chosethe second route, living what I thought I thought of as my religious life with increasing dryness and cynicism while I found "water" where I could: in sexual fantasies, alchohol, the next dinner out, late-night violence videos, gaining more knowledge through religious seminars -- whatever would slake th thirsty restlessness inside. Whichever path we choose -- heart deadness or heart and head sepatation -- the Arrows win and we lose heart" (Brent Curtis & John Eldredge, p. 31).
The past few weeks I've had moments of loneliness. That's new. I do have solid relationships. Iv'e been blessed with friends from ATS and across the country. We all know we're works in progress. Most of us finally get to a place where we truly walk with each other. But oustide of that, I have to acknowledge I'm hesitant to trust people. Once again, my past affected my present. So, here we go again -- confession, forgiveness. Now I have to change. My "theater" is about to close down.
I'm thirsty. I believe God is doing a major work -- I'm feeling the needs of my heart but like Brent Curtis, I looked for other types of water. I'm having a hard time letting go of the old water even though it just leaves me more thirsty.
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (I John 1:9)
Living Water, quinch my thirst.
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