Identity Crisis: Solution in Progress

Back in January, my mentor challenged me to ask God who He wants me to be and what He wants me to do. So, I started praying about it. I even fasted during a week amazingly, the answers started to come. God confirmed that I was annointed, reverend, bishop and other words pointing toward being set apart for the work of the ministry. The amazing thing is that I was so close to giving up on myself being able to do ministry. I wasn't good enough, had sinned too much and really didn't want to stop.

If you ask me how I see myself, most likely I'm going to tell you about the negative. When it happened, it surprised me too. I thought I was passed it. Talking about myself in a positive manner was tough. In the meantime, I found that I have a problem with co-dependency. I've tried so many things to feel special and loved and affirmed and all along, God wanted to be my Father and help me to grow up in a healthy manner. To accept that He loves me and that I'm special no matter how many times I mess up. He wants to know what I feel, what I think and while I've been doing that in the past few years, He wants true intimacy. My heart opens so much more -- He just wants an amazing relationship with me.

I'm tired of settling for mediocrity. I've been taking particular steps and make myself more known to people around me and while it's been tough, I'm more peaceful than I've ever been.

What's really started to surprise me are the Scriputes are grabbing my attention -- Isaiah 61, Isaiah 6 and Jeremiah 1:7-17. If you check them out, huge tasks. While I approach them with hesitancy, I'm also excited. Here I am on the verge of preaching to the poor, submitting to God to send me and willing to drop the excuses to labor the harvest -- challenging God's people to grow up, get off the milk and press toward the mark of the Christ Jesus. ... And I'm talking about the local church.

And to top it off, I'm starting to believe that my guilt is gone, my sin atoned for.

Know that you can have the same, my brothers and sisters.

Be encouraged.

In Christ,

CD