I'm coming to realize a lot these days. I once had a counselor talk to me about being sorry for the damage I'd done to myself. I "kind of" got it that day. But recently, I'm starting to see more and more of bad decisions I made in my past and how they affect me today. I blamed a lot of people and I blamed God for most of it. How come He didn't do anything? Well, He probably was trying but I was doing things my way. So now I say...
I'm sorry, God.
I'm sorry for not trusting You and for not letting You take care of me. I've got a ways to go but I'll put my best foot forward and I pray that you make me perfect in love, I cast my anxiety on You for you care for me, please renew my mind and create in me a new heart -- that I'm motivated out of love and trust for You.
"It is to the man who loves Him that Jesus reveals Himself even more fully. Obidient, trusting love lends to a fuller and a fuller revelation. ... No evil man can receive the revelation of God. he can be used by God, but he can have no fellowship with God. It is only to the man who is looking for Him that God reveals Himself. ... Fellowship with God, the revelation of God, are dependent on love; and love is dependent on obedience (as cited by Willam Barclay, 'The Gospel of John')."
-- From "Enjoying Intimacy with God," J. Oswald Sanders, p. 75-76
To my friends, family, brothers and sisters, I'm sorry that I haven't given you my best. In the new year, I'll do better. Let's press on together.