From my heart to Yours

Matthew 27:50-51
And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.

I've questioned my salvation for a long time. Despite all of the amazing things God has done for me. All of the healing and transformation, etc. I was alwasy wondering. I still struggle with so much and Christians can't possibly feel like this? Over the past few weeks, I discovered where it was coming from. Our parents influence our view of God and whether or not we notice it or even want to admit it, we can't get around it. When I was confronted with this (even though I had heard it taught), it opened my eyes that I the God I knew about was different from the one I felt about. After confessing it, amazingly, I sensed a release.

Rip...

I've had to really work at making emotional connections with people. It's easy to sit one-on-one and talk and confess everything ... and then be somewhere else or hold the emotions aside. But in reality, no intimate connection is made and I'm left empty. So I made a decision to go into situations that I will share and will make an effort to let you know what's really going on. In the midst of this, I feel connected not only to the other person, but also to God. It's great walking with Him. True Christian community does work. Another release.

Tear...

I'm reading Max Lucado's He Chose the Nails. It takes readers through Jesus' death on the cross and his ordeal. One chapter just focused on Jesus' getting spit on by the soilders and how He took it to the cross. The spit showed how ugly humans can be. He took on the ugliness so we can be beautiful like Him. But in reading that, I remember praying to God when I was younger and getting picked on and humilated at school and at home and how much I just wanted a good day. When it didn't happen, my faith, my hope left and I was wounded. But in reading it and other parts of the book, I felt a connection with Jesus. For once, I understood. He understood me. ... Release.

Split...

When Lucado examines the tearing of Jesus' flesh due to the nails, the beatings, bearing the weight of the cross, and the crown of thorns, he notes the veil in the temple was torn in two and how that allows us to enter into the presence of God. Jesus' opened the door. Max then notes how the thing that keeps us back is our failures and shortcomings.
Behind the veil around my heart, I carried the shame of all of my sins, failures and mistakes. I wanted to hide the darkness of revenge, resentfulness and bitterness in my heart. I didn't want you to know about the fear I that I carry. I knew to ask for forgiveness. But did I hang around to accept it. Now I know in my heart, that His blood washed away my sins. "My sin, not in part, but the whole/Is nailed to His cross and I bear it no more" ("It Is Well With My Soul"). Salvation is given and we accept. We do have to continue to work it out. It's two parts. I've known that but now the curtain that surrounded my heart is tearing from top to bottom. I'm beginning to know God and He knows me. I'm accepted. I'm a man of God. I'm after His heart. It's not for stuff anymore. It's not for a job anymore. It's not to be defined by position, title or acceptance for being good a lot of things. It's just for communion with Him. I pray for God to know me. I want to know Him.

God, from my heart to Yours.

CD


Hebrews 10:19-20
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, His body.