"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."
-- Philippians 2:12-13
I"m 30. And truth be told, I didn't think I'd make it.
When I was younger, I never thought I'd live to this age and honestly I didn't want to.
Here's a sample of why ...
"But more important perhaps, for now, simply imagine a home where the members of a family do not shout at one another or steal one another's possessions or restrict one another's movements or slap one another around into subjection or bully one another into compliance or intimidate one another into domestic slavery ... that would be a Christian home."
-- Sister Joan Chittister, Wisdom Distilled from the Daily
I'm a product of domestic slavery
Controlled, destroyed by words, not able to be me
Power of life and death is in the tongue
I wanted to fight, but was much too young
Humiliation and shame is the price to pay
It can be avoided if you “do and act as I say”
What a difference intimidation or manipulation makes
I started to hide, suck up the hurt, whatever it takes
“You won’t get me; I'll show you; you’ll never win”
I thought those words, as I contemplated revenge
Walls to surround me, will my prayers ever work?
God, please protect me, I’m surrounded my jerks
No matter where I went, either home or at school
Why does it seem that destroying me is the rule?
Is there anyone to accept or respect my view of life?
Enduring this trauma, the degrading cuts like a knife
Years later, I accepted their truth, and all of those names
Using other people to take of myself, those became my chains
I was slowly headed for the grave, does anyone care?
I doubt it, so I guess I’ll live in absolute despair
What’s life like with too much sinful activity?
No dignity, constant anxiety, insecurity, a loss of identity
When I wasn’t high, I was usually lonely and angry
But I just had this feeling that Jesus would save me
And He did. Recently, during a Isa Couvertier concert, I saw the words "repent, believe, healed, become" and just that morning I read in Joe Dallas The Game Plan, "prodigal, child, player, warrior."
Repent/ Prodigal
Believe / Child (son)
Healed / Player (disciple)
Become/ Warrior
And that's my story. I'm working it out with fear and trembling. I'm also reminded ...
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I'm moving into the warrior mode. The past few years of my life have been preparation. I time to get intimate with the Father and with my Kingdom family. I've had the honor to walk with some great brothers and sisters of the Faith these past few years. I'm thankful that they've supported and loved me. You'll never know the impact you've had on my life. You'll never know that you helped save a life. As one of my brothers say, "thansk for loving me." And also know as Jonathan Larson wrote, "I die without you."
And so this is what I've learned and my tribute to each of you.
Let's go to the Table, I'm invited, you're invited
By the Mystery, the Presence, so we'll be united
To a feast where our cups will overflow
To learn and fellowship, more than we could ever know
So as He cleans us up from the dirt from our sin
Our past as prodigals is gone, He's forgiven where we've been
Now let's release ourselves from mistakes, rebellion and self-hate
He's anxious for our arrival, He can hardly wait
Can this be real? Intimacy, rest, affirmation can't be beat
Only with the Father, Savior and Spirit, that's sweet
No more worries about heartbreak, disappointment and pain
Comfort and joy flowing down like a small mist, a light rain
I'm grateful to share this with you, my brother and my sister
Words cannot express how much you mean to me, not even a whisper
Now let's celebrate, this is the ultimate Family Reunion
We're with the Trinity, redeemed and at home, yes, this is Communion.
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