Residue

I've been tweaked a lot lately. I was upset over the past couple of weeks as I felt manipulated by a friend of mine. It's not the first time it's happened. Actually, it's been happening a lot over the past year. Not just with this person, but with others as well. It's been common most of my life. I was once in a relationship when it was like who can outwit, outplay, and outmanipulate the other. My boundaries weren't respected. Do I attract these people or is it just sinful human nature?

But the point is how I reacted. I went ahead and helped this person out, but underneath I was angry. There were nights I could hardly sleep. I had headaches, my appetite was here and there, etc. On top of that, through this time of growth and consecration is motivating me to stop feeding my flesh so I'm basically in withdrawal. I wanted to forgot about my calling and everything and run away into sin. What? My reaction was getting out of control.

Most likely, there's something in my past that's so hurtful that when I feel disrespected or ignored or let's face it, not important, I ready to end the relationship and move on. I don't want to work it out, I don't want to hear it, I'm tired of being in this position. In addition, I start feeling trapped. I grew up in a small town, endured a lot of heartbreak, saw a lot of unhealthy relationships and basically vowed that that cannot happen to me. If I get trapped, my life is over. And I'm just starting to learn how to live. ...