4.26.2011

Lonely (Edit)

Would you believe me if I said, “I’m dying”
Not physically, but on the inside, crying
Leaving the familiar of what I knew and loved
And had a close connection with God in heaven up above
But like Abraham I was told to pack up and go
And develop and write and perform a new show
But this was no sitcom, musical, performance, recording, or play
It was the beginning and at times, I confess, “I did it my way”
Days of sadness, days of hope, days of apathy, all mixed into one
Blur together as I look and focus or turn away from the Son
Tears and lack of vision I’m afraid I have no future
I’m lost, no direction, my soul bleeds, I need a suture
To stop the blood, the life from leaving my body
I need that but it’s flowing out faster than a Maserati
Exhausted, insomnia, nothing takes away the pain
A call, a letter, a visit that’s what keeps me sane
But what if this is the only way for me to travel?
I fear that too much of this and I may unravel
Is this how Jesus felt as His life came to and end?
I know for me – I don’t want this cross—I confess it’s sin
And be who knows where and with whomever?
May not like the environment or the company, “I want better
I deserve it, I work hard, You know what this does to me!”
I fall apart, crumble, can’t hold it together, OMG! Everyone will see …
So I come broken, here I am, Your servant and son
Looking for His Heavenly Father, don’t wait, please come
I have to believe that You are here with me
So please take care of me, friend me, love me …
And hear my cry, dear Jesus, “I’m lonely…”

2 comments:

Josh Perrington said...

This rings true for so many, Carlos. Thank you for having the "guts" to put pen to paper...or, in this case, fingers to keyboard.

As men, I don't think we're called to a life of mediocrity. I feel we're called to a life of passion. He wants us to be passionate...and all too many times...we settle for "average". Something's stirring in you...don't neglect that.

Enjoying the ride... - josh

Anonymous said...

I have been living your life. Today I am crying. I want to die. I carry this load and cannot go on. I tried. I suffered for him. he told me to. He told me to stay in the battle and not run, He said trust me. I did. and nothings been done.. I cant see it. I can only feel it. I feel empty and alone, ashamed and hurt. I failed , nothing mattered, Its over , I lost. Im empty , I dont want to go on anymore. Jesus I cant do it anymore ., i love you Lord forgive me I tried... Over and Over I start, picking up the pieces after standing for rightousness only to be left with nothing. i KNOW he will provide but I am tired of getting by.. I want love, joy , happiness, and peace. No more suffering, lonlines, hardships and pain. Please God Please have mercy on me and lift this burden. I am a vessel and can only carry so much Lord. forgive me for my weaknesses AMEN